Your Mother is a Basketball

Your Mother is a Basketball
Written by	Joe Hawley
Appears on	Joe Hawley Joe Hawley
Sung by	Hawley, Michael Gregory, Stephanie Koenig, Allegra Rosenberg
Genre	Rock
Language	English

Your Mother is a Basketball is a song by Joe Hawley.

Song Meanings

Your Mother is a Basketball is about your mother and her similarity to a spherical sports-related object.

Lyrics

 
JH: Your mother's so fat they didn't call Ghostbusters
Stay Puft Man was all, "I don't trust her."
In other words, she ate him.
Stay Puft Man's big, so that's how we know she's fat--
Just to clarify.

MG: Basketball, a basketball.
Yeah, well, your mother is a basketball.
I went there: your mother is a basketball.
A basketball, she's a basketball.

AR: Stop. Everybody take 5.
Good show, guys, but I don't feel a vibe.
Let it all out; don't hold back; incriminate.
Here on this court, you gotta push it to the limit, mate.
Reach deep inside, throw the shots, come alive. 
I'll be here tweeting the whole thing live,
So guys, be loquacious; show off your gall!
What did you say his mother was again? (A basketball.)

MG: A basketball. 
After all, she's bouncing like she had a bottle of Adderall. 
She's also fat--not sure if I mentioned that--
Twenty-nine inches wide from all sides, to be exact. 

JH: Man, that's wack. I object! But, to change the subject, 
I double dribbl'd your Mom's bombs and she liked it.
Now I'm flying higher than a window wiper,
Where you're airing free throws like a drunken sniper.

MG: I'm'a lead you to reason like the Zeppelin piper
If your mom were on Tinder, I'd swipe her right 'cuz I like her
She's spherical, meaningful, queer, and clerical,
A leather planet with the gravity that makes you feel the pull 

AR: Ooh, feeling it now, moves smoove, so adroit.
World's hearing it now, down under to Detroit.
Pity the pal who fails to score a swish,
Never gonna hit the buzzer 'cuz she just won't fit!
Not that curvy's bad boys, in fact, it's sad
But the women's NBA's not all round and rad.
Don't be lose ground, be a man;
Do they fit basketballs with gastric bands?

JH: Oedipus Rex, Electra complex, 
Pegasus wings on these foot springs but I digress.
Surf's up! I board a tidal wave of jump
Yo' 'boks probably don't even pump, chump. 

MG: Sup?

JH: I got pump up 'boks, I'll palm my ball in my hand.
And shoot infinity points from up across this land
So you can't pass the man if you know what's best, son.
Lest you wanna become a tripping guessing lesson.

SK: Slam dunk! 

JH: Foul?

MG & JH: Ref, make the call!

AR: Oh gee, oh gosh, this is all too much
Guys, I gotta confide--I'm just an actress, y'all
Picked last at the dang-blasted casting call.

MG: Some games don't have winners
Some chickens don't end up on plates for dinners,
They contain the innards 
But we know the sun will always rise and always fall
And that your mother will always be a basketball

Basketball, a basketball. 
If you're listening, your mother is a basketball.
That's right, you! Your mother is a basketball.
She's a basketball, bouncy basketball,
Over the rainbow in despair,
Somehow, somewhen, someway, somewhere.