On all hundred charges there’s a consensus
The law of the land will prevail
There’s insider trading, fraud and the rest
Plus, all of those damning emails
Accepting payola, embezzling moolah
And a dash of espionage
Skipping bail, tampered mail, forging sales
If it’s not too much trouble
You’re going to jail
Wait, but, I thought we, ya know, “donated” our way out of this?
I’m sorry to say that your bribe was okay
But it wasn’t nearly enough
Your political rivals decided to pay
To keep you locked up in handcuffs
There’s a price for freedom, a million per diem
The system, it needs a massage
No more bail
Crooked scales (The gavel goes cha-ching)
Justice fails (Check out her diamond ring)
If it’s not too much trouble
You’re going to jail
Peter, you’re my lawyer
You were in charge of the bribes, fix this
Fortunately, my duty is complete
And it’s time for me to move on (Wait, what?)
You have radioactive levels of heat
And you are not made of teflon
I’ve collected my fee, now you’re no use to me
Our relationship was a mirage
Time to bail
I’m avail (For a new customer)
To hook another whale (He’s a real bloodsucker)
If it’s not too much trouble
You’re going to jail
I’m pretty annoyed that my life is destroyed
I thought we had this in the bag
I made love to those I employed
Now I’m treated like a scallawag
I’m a member of congress
Narc’d by an accomplice
No honor in my entourage
No more bail (No more bail, no more bail, no more bail)
Truth unveiled (Egg all up on your face)
Life derailed (A national disgrace)
I’m in so much trouble
I’m going to jail, jail
You are hereby sentenced to 87 days in a junior executive suite at the White Eagle Luxury Correctional Facility and Spa
Jail!
The White Eagle Luxury Correctional Facility and Spa?
That’s where Cornelius Vanderock is locked up
I’m doomed