Lyrics:Shia LaBeouf
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Lyrics
The original version of Shia LaBeouf ends after "You have beaten Shia LaBeouf."
You're walking in the woods There's no one around, And your phone is dead Out of the corner of your eye you spot him, Shia LaBeouf. He's following you About 30 feet back He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint He's gaining on you Shia LaBeouf. You're looking for your car, But you're all turned around He's almost upon you now And you can see there's blood on his face! My god, there's blood everywhere! Running for your life (From Shia LaBeouf) He's brandishing a knife. (It's Shia LaBeouf) Lurking in the shadows Hollywood superstar Shia LaBeouf. Living in the woods, (Shia LaBeouf) Killing for sport, (Shia LaBeouf) Eating all the bodies Actual cannibal Shia Labeouf. Now it's dark and you seem to have lost him, But you're hopelessly lost yourself. Stranded with a murderer, You creep silently through the underbrush. A-ha! In the distance, A small cottage with a light on. Hope! You move stealthily toward it, But your leg! AH! It's caught in a bear trap! Gnawing off your leg, (Quiet, quiet) Limping toward the cottage, (Quiet, quiet) Now you're on the doorstep, Sitting inside, Shia LaBeouf. Sharpening an ax, (Shia LaBeouf) But he doesn't hear you enter, (Shia LaBeouf) You're sneaking up behind him. Strangling superstar Shia LaBeouf. Fighting for your life with Shia LaBeouf, Wrestling a knife from Shia LaBeouf, Stab it in his kidney. Safe at last from Shia LaBeouf You limp into the dark woods, Blood oozing from your stump leg But you have won You have beaten Shia LaBeouf Wait! He isn’t dead! Shia surprise! There’s a gun to your head and death in his eyes. But you can do jiu jitsu… (Can do it) body slam superstar Shia LaBeouf. Legendary fight with Shia LaBeouf. Normal Tuesday night for Shia LaBeouf. You try to swing an axe at Shia LaBeouf. But blood is draining fast from your stump leg. He’s dodging every swipe, he parries to the left. You counter to the right, you catch him in the neck. You’re chopping off his head now…. You have just decapitated Shia LaBeouf. His head topples to the floor, expressionless. You fall to your knees and catch your breath. You are finally safe from Shia LaBeouf.
Padma Lakshmi Lyrics
You're walking in the woods There's no one around and your phone is dead Out of the corner of your eye you spot her Padma Lakshmi She's following you, about 30 feet back She moves like a puma, nimble and quick She's gaining on you Padma Lakshmi You're looking for your car but you're all turned around She's almost upon you now and you can see there's something in her hand My god, that's a meat cleaver! Running for your life from Padma Lakshmi Brandishing a knife, it's Padma Lakshmi Lurking in the shadows Beautiful elegant Padma Lakshmi Hiding in the woods (Padma Lakshmi) Hunting for sport (Padma Lakshmi) By day, host on your TV screen By night, cold-blooded killing machine She stops and fires a flare gun You realize Padma's not hunting alone The others quickly find you It's a veritable who's who of TV stars, and you think, "What the hell is this, some kind of secret celebrity killing club?" Yes. Fighting for your life with the cast of Suits All 12 Monkeys are in cahoots You're dodging their attacks and landing blows Defending yourself from your favorite shows Barrel into Kim Kardashian West You impale her with a branch to the chest Blocking your path, there's a man with a cannon That man's name: Nicholas Cannon You're surrounded. You beg for mercy, but Lakshmi laughs She says, "My dear boy, we've only just begun" Then Todd Chrisley drops from a tree He's got you in a headlock but you break free Ahh! Real Housewives everywhere! Flipping over tables that aren't even there Knife Fight with Ilan Hall It's not just a show coming out this fall Syfy's Ian Ziering is nearing Naked except for a shark tooth earing You come to a cliff, there's water below Could you survive? You don't really know You're jumping off the edge now You have just been hunted on our new cable show You land safely in the river and float downstream Congratulations, you've just survived Celebrity Manhunt coming to Tuesday nights this fall Only on NBCU Cable Entertainment! We've got an all-star cast made of household names Think Housewives meets Hunger Games Premium content for every screen From the starting bell to the final scene Yes, some contestants may die It's a small price to pay for a big KPI Get ready for ratings, it's in the bag We're so sure it's a hit that we've printed up swag Upfront season is ending today Lockdown is nearing, it's moments away Take out your checkbook, take out your pen Let the purchasing frenzy for this one begin! Just one more important announcement We'll be having an open casting call for contestants If you're interested... Please speak with John Cena, at the post party