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* Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines. | * Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines. | ||
* A blind man walks into a bar. And a chair. And a table. | * A blind man walks into a bar. And a chair. And a table. | ||
* Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. | * Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. | ||
* A plateau is the highest form of flattery | * A plateau is the highest form of flattery | ||
* I would tell jokes at home but I have no body to listen. | * I would tell jokes at home but I have no body to listen. | ||
* Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks, “How do you drive this thing?” | * Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks, “How do you drive this thing?” | ||
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* You might consider joining the church of gosh. | * You might consider joining the church of gosh. | ||
* It’s no wonder they flung it that far | * It’s no wonder they flung it that far | ||
* You know what’s odd? Every other number | * You know what’s odd? Every other number | ||
* Bismillah! | * Bismillah! | ||
* A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?" | * A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?" | ||
* Do you have a minute to talk about the squatty potty? | * Do you have a minute to talk about the squatty potty? | ||
* I once knew a Hairy Krishna | * I once knew a Hairy Krishna | ||
* Do you have a map? Because I’m lost in your eyes. | * Do you have a map? Because I’m lost in your eyes. | ||
* What’s green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels | * What’s green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels | ||
* I can tell you what works: cheese. | * I can tell you what works: cheese. | ||
* I just flew in from Ann Arbor, and boy are my arms tired! (Ann Arbor is a reference to Tally Hall's origin) | * I just flew in from Ann Arbor, and boy are my arms tired! (Ann Arbor is a reference to Tally Hall's origin) | ||
* That wasn’t chocolate. | * That wasn’t chocolate. | ||
* I’m giving away dead batteries free of charge! | * I’m giving away dead batteries free of charge! | ||
* So I said, “that is not MY goat!" | * So I said, “that is not MY goat!" | ||
* Is this a [[Party Boobytrap|party boobytrap]]? | * Is this a [[Party Boobytrap|party boobytrap]]? | ||
* …so I says to [[Zubin Sedghi|Sedghi]], I says… | * …so I says to [[Zubin Sedghi|Sedghi]], I says… | ||
* goo goo goo joob (Strangely, a reference to I Am The Walrus by The Beatles) | * goo goo goo joob (Strangely, a reference to I Am The Walrus by The Beatles) | ||
* I was addicted to soap. I’m clean now | * I was addicted to soap. I’m clean now | ||
* Toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boyt $H¡†! | * Toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boyt $H¡†! | ||
* …so I says to Koenig, I says… | * …so I says to Koenig, I says… | ||
* Yo no soy marinero. SOY CAPITAN, SOY CAPITAN, SOY CAPITAN | * Yo no soy marinero. SOY CAPITAN, SOY CAPITAN, SOY CAPITAN | ||
* IT'S NOT A TUMOR | * IT'S NOT A TUMOR | ||
* "One reports the news, the other cavorts with Jews." | * "One reports the news, the other cavorts with Jews." | ||
* "That WAS the igloo." | * "That WAS the igloo." | ||
* A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop | * A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop | ||
* “The bad news is, we’re out of scalpels." | * “The bad news is, we’re out of scalpels." | ||
* Golfers always have two pairs of pants in case they have a hole in one | * Golfers always have two pairs of pants in case they have a hole in one | ||
* Past, present and future, walked into a bar. It was tense | * Past, present and future, walked into a bar. It was tense | ||
* A video game protagonist walks into a bar and says “ouch" | * A video game protagonist walks into a bar and says “ouch" | ||
* Thou art error | * Thou art error | ||
* You must be tired, ‘cause youve been running through this maze all day (Addressing the player character??) | * You must be tired, ‘cause youve been running through this maze all day (Addressing the player character??) | ||
* What did the power cord say to the psychiatrist? "I’m looking for an outlet" | * What did the power cord say to the psychiatrist? "I’m looking for an outlet" | ||
* And Jesus says, “I thought you said ‘i-CON-oclasm.’” | * And Jesus says, “I thought you said ‘i-CON-oclasm.’” | ||
* [[15 Seconds Of Bora|15 seconds of Boraaaaaaaaa]] | * [[15 Seconds Of Bora|15 seconds of Boraaaaaaaaa]] | ||
* But what do you call an American Indian from India? | * But what do you call an American Indian from India? | ||
* Sent from your Verizon 4G LTE Smartphone | * Sent from your Verizon 4G LTE Smartphone | ||
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