Lyrics
(murmurs)
PAROLE BOARD:
Welcome to the parole board
We've been assigned to review your case
Why do you fell that you've been reformed
And should get on out of this place?
RICHARD:
Oh, me?
Well, for the past 18 hours,
I thought a lot about my disgrace
And I'm not really sorry
Because I've enjoyed my incarcerace-
PAROLE BOARD:
I think he's talking about incarceration
That was refreshingly honest
Let's just go and get this over with
Eh, whatever
That's good enough for me
You are free
RICHARD:
I am free
To do what I want without consequences
Back in the mix without mending fences
There's no learning a stupid old lesson for me
Haha, wow
Oh my gosh, is this really happening right now?
This is exciting
Um, okay, well
Thank you, crooked parole board
Where do I make the payment?
Like Zelle or Venmo
If I add a zero,
will you release my new associates?
PAROLE BOARD:
In for a bill,
In for a mill
THE SNOOCH:
Can't wait to get in some trouble
BURT:
This is top-shelf recidivism
GIZMO:
Are we even committing crimes,
ALL:
If we're committing them with our friends?
PAROLE BOARD:
We don't want to rain on your parade,
but your wife recently OD'd,
And your kids were stung to death by killer bees
RICHARD:
I am free
I am free
To start a new life and find a new wife
And completely forget about my dead children
Wiping the stale clean
(ALL: It's a new start for me)
THE SNOOCH:
Richie, baby, more good news,
Cornelius died in his sleep last night of "natural causes,"
So you never have to worry about that guy trying to get revenge on you ever again
RICHARD:
That is good news
All my problems are just solving themselves
GIZMO:
And just for commedia,
we found the rap battle man in the shower and slit his throat
BURT:
Yeah, now Bobby Brandeis is part of our crew
BOBBY:
Brandeis
RICHARD:
Oh, boy
I really am the luckiest guy in the world
Everybody join in and sing with me
I am free
I am free
To do what I want without consequences
Back in the mix without mending fences
There's no learning a stupid old lesson for me
(Oh)
Haha, what a turn out
I have so many people to thank
But honestly, the person I need to thank most is myself
If it wasn't for me using my generational wealth to invest in myself,
I would have never been able to afford to buy my way out of the compromising situations I've created
Ladies and gentlemen, you're not gonna believe this, our director, oh captain, my captain,
President-
(Oh, that's my cue)
There's no learning a stupid old lesson for me
(Oh, yeah)